Monday, 28 July 2008

Things that don't exist

Sometimes making software becomes an interesting exercise in metaphysical philosophy. Things that don't exist can be your downfall.

In this case, user directories.

We're busily running through the last minute go/no-go checks for the upcoming release, and it's all getting a little like Mission Control here...

XAV
Cowboy hat - check!

DAVE

Shader model three - check!

TWAK

Script slider - check!

DAVE (the other one)

Launcher is GO, repeat, launcher is GO!

COMMANDER ANDREW stretches his hand towards the big red button labelled RELEASE. An expectant hush falls across the control room. Pull back to master shot, then crane down to BEN, a scruffy-looking guy in the corner.


BEN S
Er, Commander, I think we have a problem. What if you try to load a movie when there's no user directory?

Shock passes across everyone's faces. ANDREW pulls his hand back.


ANDREW
OK, hold it everyone. Ben, say your piece...


BEN
Well, it's only a theoretical possibility, but... what if the user stores his movies somewhere other than the default directory, and then tries to load a movie, in which case...

DAVE and TWAK
(horrified)
... there'd be no user directory, Moviestorm would lose all control, and crash into the Sun, causing a massive solar flare and the destruction of all life on Earth!

ANDREW
Is that bad?

BEN
(firmly)
Yes.

ANDREW
(taking command)
I need an answer, people. Now. This window is closing fast. If we don't get Moviestorm off the ground now, I don't have to remind you what the consequences will be.

TWAK
I'm on it, Commander!

DAVE throws a manly arm around BEN's shoulders. It’s a guy moment, as we see BEN swell with pride.

DAVE
Good call, son. That took guts, but you may just have saved the whole mission.



Who said life in the software industry was ever dull, eh?

2 comments:

Simon Bisson said...

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you."

Lonely Paul said...

Hello